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Kitty | The Painter of Modern Life
Starting fights with fuckers. 
8th-Mar-2009 02:56 am
riot grrls of camelot
Some guy started on me in a club tonight, and it really pissed me off.">

This dude was dancing enthusiastically behind me and kept jamming with his elbows and slamming in to my back, clearly unaware/too drunk to notice/uncaring of the fact that this was a) painful for a slight woman b) annoying and c) unnecessary on a not too crowded dance floor provided he tone down the vicious gyrations. After one particularly violent body slam, I elbowed him off me. He took great offence to this and took hold of my arm to say, in a tone dripping with sarcasm: "Sorry if I got in your way."

Well, there you're implying I needed said space, when in fact I was already IN said space, and you just shoved me. Hard. So I replied: "Well, you kept jumping on me so I just figured I'd let you know I was here." I prepared to leave it at that. Oh no.

"Whatever," replies Agressive Dancing Man. "I didn't jump on you, and..." At this point I am no longer listening, because Agressive Dancing Man is RIGHT IN MY FACE, spitting his little tirade at me. Uh, not okay. I pushed him away from me to a decent distance, and getting angry myself I say "Fuck off you fucking dickhead." (I'm lovely, really.) "Oh! And again!" he yells, angry that I've pushed him away for a second time. I've had enough and turn away.

Then he utters the line that really fucked me off.

"You're not that hot."

WHAT?! How is that even minutely fucking relevant? How does my level of physical attractiveness come in to this argument about who shoved who first? Do I have less right to this space I am occupying on the dancefloor because you do not deem me to be attractive? Am I demanding space because I think I'm pretty? Am I here dancing because I think I'm pretty? Do you have the right to ignore the fact that I'm here, and then when I bring myself to your attention, to act aggressively towards me because you do not think I'm pretty? Please explain to me WHY IT MATTERS WHAT YOU THINK.

I replied, quite truthfully: "Well, neither are you." As in, why go there?

"Uh," he gets all disdainful. "I'm GAY."

At this I am completely stumped. You're gay. Uh, fine? Does my opinion on your attractiveness not count because YOU are gay? But YOUR opinion of MY attractiveness, a gay man judging a woman, DOES count. The implication is that this gay man clearly KNOWS where as my opinion is worth nothing.

And this frustrated and irritated me. The accepted stereotype of the fashion and beauty aware homosexual who is insightful and untouchable when it comes to judging the appearance of women is both incorrect, stupid and unhelpful. Perpetuated by the likes of the sickening Gok Wan, who passes judgement on women he supposedly feels a kinship with because he used to be fat, the myth that gay men are accurate and fair judges of female beauty has to end. Not only does this turn all gay men into camp charicatures along the Queer Eye line, which is simply not true, but by condoning this believe we breed a half-hidden misogyny which I have glimpsed in many gay men of my acquaintance. Whether it manifest as the seemingly harmless "Oh, I'll only hang out with women if they can be pretty accessories" or the downright insulting "I am an unquestionable judge of female beauty- do as I say". Either way, the most common attitude amongst gay men towards women appears to be that of exclusion and disdain.

I don't mean to generalise, and this cannot apply to all male homosexuals, but very few straight men have ever used "well, you're ugly" as a reason for being aggressive towards me, and the "I'm gay, so your opinions are worthless because you are a woman and you are not relevant to my world" argument is the worst and most sexist, bigoted thing anyone has ever said to me.

I am a woman, yes. And sadly for you, we make up half the world's population. So I AM relevant to your world, because I demand space in it. If you don't like it, you can have my fist in your face.
Comments 
8th-Mar-2009 06:56 am (UTC)
Oh man. I am so pissed off on your behalf right now. That's awful. I must have been lucky, because the gay guys I've known have all been okay towards women.
8th-Mar-2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
Thanks, I was pretty fuming...

Oh, I should probably add I also know a LOT of gay men who are wonderful human beings that I am lucky enough to call friends... The arrogant pricks are totally in the minority, but the attitude annoys me enough, and is vocalised and popularised as an image enough, to really get on my tits.

8th-Mar-2009 07:17 am (UTC)
geeze what a tosser. i want to punch him myself!

i hope he didn't ruin the entire evening for you cos that would suck immensely.

the most i ever have to deal with in that situation is someone bumps into me on the dancefloor and then the glare at me like it's my fault
8th-Mar-2009 10:59 pm (UTC)
Nah, I was knackered which wasn't helping anyway and probably made me way more bolshy and argumentative that normal. But still, this guy totally floored me with the "I'm gay" comeback. I just wasn't able to follow THAT logic!
8th-Mar-2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
totally, he seems to have studied arguing at the school of shitty comebacks!
8th-Mar-2009 11:09 am (UTC)
Someone needs a swift kick in the nuts.
8th-Mar-2009 11:13 am (UTC)
Well this or pulling sad nuts off and get him to wear them as jewellery.
8th-Mar-2009 11:09 pm (UTC)
Maybe whilst forcing him to watch a room full of women dressing themselves however they like with no help from any gay style gurus whatsoever.
9th-Mar-2009 06:54 am (UTC)
And shock horror, dressing to please themselves!
8th-Mar-2009 11:00 pm (UTC)
I only refrained from headbutting him in a blind fury because there was no one around I could get to hold my can of cider.
8th-Mar-2009 11:39 am (UTC)
I'm with the kick in the nuts comment.Tosser.

Gay men = blergh :P
8th-Mar-2009 11:01 pm (UTC)
LOL! Not all of them! Just, can you guys kick this one out of the club pls? :P
8th-Mar-2009 02:10 pm (UTC)
Gay and ugly? Poor boy. No wonder he was pissed off, probably hasn't had sex for quite some time. Probably due to his inability to dance. His poor dancing skills and extreme ugliness must make him a leper in the gay community.

Eugh, why does physical attractiveness have to come into arguments? I remember once someone using the fact that I was fat in an argument. Luckily I thought on my feet and came back with "I may be fat, but at least I'm happy, and not thin and miserable like you." But still, it's like, they know they haven't got a leg to stand on in a debate, so this means it's okay to prey on people's insecurities about their appearance for the sake of winning a point.
8th-Mar-2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
I did wonder if the "I'm gay" comeback to the "you're not that hot either, mate" comment was supposed to imply that it didn't MATTER that he was unattractive, because some men will fuck anything... The poor dancing skills + ugliness was a bit overwhelming though.

Ugh, people are image obsessed cunts. I like your "thin and miserable" comeback! One of my mum's mates was called fat in an argument with her ex husband and had a pretty good one too. She said "I may be fat, but at least I could diet. You, on the other hand, will always be stupid."

You're totally right. They have no argument, or can't put one together, so they revert to playground name calling.
11th-Mar-2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
god where even was this?? what club were you in? you should stick to hanging out with nice gays in The Nelson. We're more into spam and yoghurt covered granola snacks than anything else.
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