Some guy started on me in a club tonight, and it really pissed me off.
This dude was dancing enthusiastically behind me and kept jamming with his elbows and slamming in to my back, clearly unaware/too drunk to notice/uncaring of the fact that this was a) painful for a slight woman b) annoying and c) unnecessary on a not too crowded dance floor provided he tone down the vicious gyrations. After one particularly violent body slam, I elbowed him off me. He took great offence to this and took hold of my arm to say, in a tone dripping with sarcasm: "Sorry if I got in your way."
Well, there you're implying I needed said space, when in fact I was already IN said space, and you just shoved me. Hard. So I replied: "Well, you kept jumping on me so I just figured I'd let you know I was here." I prepared to leave it at that. Oh no.
"Whatever," replies Agressive Dancing Man. "I didn't jump on you, and..." At this point I am no longer listening, because Agressive Dancing Man is RIGHT IN MY FACE, spitting his little tirade at me. Uh, not okay. I pushed him away from me to a decent distance, and getting angry myself I say "Fuck off you fucking dickhead." (I'm lovely, really.) "Oh! And again!" he yells, angry that I've pushed him away for a second time. I've had enough and turn away.
Then he utters the line that really fucked me off.
"You're not that hot."
WHAT?! How is that even minutely fucking relevant? How does my level of physical attractiveness come in to this argument about who shoved who first? Do I have less right to this space I am occupying on the dancefloor because you do not deem me to be attractive? Am I demanding space because I think I'm pretty? Am I here dancing because I think I'm pretty? Do you have the right to ignore the fact that I'm here, and then when I bring myself to your attention, to act aggressively towards me because you do not think I'm pretty? Please explain to me WHY IT MATTERS WHAT YOU THINK.
I replied, quite truthfully: "Well, neither are you." As in, why go there?
"Uh," he gets all disdainful. "I'm GAY."
At this I am completely stumped. You're gay. Uh, fine? Does my opinion on your attractiveness not count because YOU are gay? But YOUR opinion of MY attractiveness, a gay man judging a woman, DOES count. The implication is that this gay man clearly KNOWS where as my opinion is worth nothing.
And this frustrated and irritated me. The accepted stereotype of the fashion and beauty aware homosexual who is insightful and untouchable when it comes to judging the appearance of women is both incorrect, stupid and unhelpful. Perpetuated by the likes of the sickening Gok Wan, who passes judgement on women he supposedly feels a kinship with because he used to be fat, the myth that gay men are accurate and fair judges of female beauty has to end. Not only does this turn all gay men into camp charicatures along the Queer Eye line, which is simply not true, but by condoning this believe we breed a half-hidden misogyny which I have glimpsed in many gay men of my acquaintance. Whether it manifest as the seemingly harmless "Oh, I'll only hang out with women if they can be pretty accessories" or the downright insulting "I am an unquestionable judge of female beauty- do as I say". Either way, the most common attitude amongst gay men towards women appears to be that of exclusion and disdain.
I don't mean to generalise, and this cannot apply to all male homosexuals, but very few straight men have ever used "well, you're ugly" as a reason for being aggressive towards me, and the "I'm gay, so your opinions are worthless because you are a woman and you are not relevant to my world" argument is the worst and most sexist, bigoted thing anyone has ever said to me.
I am a woman, yes. And sadly for you, we make up half the world's population. So I AM relevant to your world, because I demand space in it. If you don't like it, you can have my fist in your face.